“Reflective Listening Skills”

Written By: Jessica Hartwig, ACC

Reflective listening is much more than active listening, it goes beyond our normal listening habits!

Whether in your professional life or your personal relationships, being skilled in the reflective listening approach is an asset toward “receiving” from others.  When you are able to clarify your thoughts, and assure others of your message, you engage deeper and show interest in their point of view.

A great listener shares a feeling of “felt safety” and displays that he/she/they is working hard to understand others more clearly. The approach to listen with reflection uses deep empathy and the desire to understand correctly what is being expressed.

Let’s not forget that you can be a safe space to others through your authentic self-expression and shared trust. Your deeper listening creates new healthy relationships, often grows current relationships, and allows all to receive and give from a space of LOVE!

Look for opportunities to work on the following two very important “reflective listening skills:

1. Hearing and understanding what the other person is communicating through words and “body language” to the best of your ability.

2. Responding to the other person by reflecting the thoughts and feelings you heard in his or her words, tone of voice, body posture, and gestures.

When you acknowledge another in a spoken response that is brief or when you share in a nonverbal gesture, you demonstrate to that person that you are following the conversation, and this lets he/she/they know that “their voice” is being heard.

You may even remember the following simple phrase (which I continue to work hard on) as you communicate with others… “Practice the Pause”.  This reminder helps us all to avoid breaking into any conversation.

Some simple conversation engagement examples are: “Um-humm. How about that! Uh-huh. Go on. Oh. Yeah. Sure. You did, eh? You betcha! Yes. No fooling! Sounds good. Right. Right on!”

When you are acknowledging others, remember to SUMMARIZE what you have heard. Condensing what you have heard into two or three sentences shows your listener that you are concentrating on what is said in their portion of the conversation.  Accurately reflecting the main points of another’s communication is assuring and nurturing.  This sentence summary should be expressed with descriptions of feelings and meaning.    

Try the following valuable tips: 

1.    Look for opportunities to Behavior Match

• This is an evolutionary way of saying “we belong together”.

• Sit the same way as your conversationist

2.    Give genuine Eye Contact

• Choose to avoid any other distractions by using your eyes to engage

• Forced eye contact is not necessary

3.    Share in light Touch

• A warm handshake

• A hand on shoulder

4.    Remember your Voice Quality

• Have control in your pitch, volume, tone and cadence

Remembering to follow these guidelines 40% of the time, will give you enormous positive results in your listening and communication strength. 

Sources:

1.    https://www.maxwell.syr.edu

https://www.maxwell.syr.edu/uploadedfiles/parcc/cmc/reflective%20listening%20nk.pdf

2.    https://teaching.unsw.edu.au/group-work-reflective-listening

A Fun Listening Activity

During a team meeting or while connecting at your dinner table, consider asking the following topic for discussion: “Share 3 things that went well today”.  It’s a great way to keep your communication open and supportive no matter who you is sharing time with you at your dinner or conference table.