“When You’re Not Ready to Say Goodbye”
“Funerals are mandatory, weddings are optional.” ~ Patrick Kelly
Saying goodbye is a universal experience. We all say goodbye to people, animals, jobs, homes, and chapters in life. There are a wide range of changes, adjustments and emotions that accompany each goodbye. Each experience is a deeply personal journey. There is no exact approach to getting through and healing from loss because we are all unique in our experiences and beliefs. Although many know the psychology-based model of Dr. Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross’s “Five Stages of Grief”, (the grief and recovery model that presents a concept for the stages of grief) … I wonder… do we ever stop grieving from certain goodbyes? Maybe we all don’t process grief the same way?
Sometimes we are in a situation which allows us to prepare for a goodbye. Sometimes we are not.
In most every unique situation, no matter the shock or expectation… it’s a gradual and ongoing process.
Think on this:
1. How might I better understand the emotions I’m experiencing?
2. What would help me to come to terms with accepting this goodbye?
3. Is finding closure important to me right now?
4. Where is there growth for me in this goodbye experience?
5. What memories from the past might I cherish or honor while embracing the present moment and looking forward to the future?
6. Who are my sources of support?
7. How might new personal rituals bring comfort and help me to move forward? There might be new traditions that would help connect me to this loss and ground me through the goodbye.
8. When I notice grace and connection to the goodbye, how might I acknowledge those experiences?
Trust that with time you will find healing and peace.
“I have learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow.” ~ Maya Angelou
Some of us are working through a goodbye with someone whom we love and don’t want to say goodbye to. When someone is nearing the end of life it is so often an incredibly emotional and difficult experience, but also an opportunity to express your love, gratitude and support.
The power of listening from a safe space, without judgement… while allowing our oved one to share thoughts, feelings and fears is the compassion and empathy which all involved might benefit most from. Listening. Listening. Listening. Our loved one’s wishes and decisions should be honored to recognize their autonomy and dignity. Trust your “felt sense” within your body, your instincts, trust your intuition, follow your all-knowing heart and create moments of love, connection and comfort for both you and your loved one. Your feelings are not silly. All feelings are real. All feelings come from the base layer of either love or fear.
May the below simple advice help you through or serve someone whom you know as a benefit during a time of needed assistance through a goodbye:
Allow yourself to grieve your way. There is no room for judgement in how you are grieving.
Seek support. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly healing.
Take care of yourself. The typical activities that you enjoy and relax from are self-care rituals that should be prioritized.
Express yourself and release the grief in your heart, mind and soul through creativity, physical exercise, ceremonies, or rituals.
Work on techniques to ground and honor the self-compassion that you might need to get through the grieving process. Simple deep breathing and quieting your mind through yoga or meditation are often helpful. Rest is permitted.
Allow time to move forward at your own pace. Tere is no timeline that you have to strive for.
Remember that support is all around you. Your experience is understood. Through various counselors, therapists, mentoring and self-help groups you can feel the companionship you might need.
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.” ~ Albert Schwettzer
Conversation with yourself and with others will open up continued validation and navigation for you through this personal inner process. May your goodbye bring you a new, healthy beginning.
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